Updated: Sep 20
This guest post is written by Nathalie
“When will my significant other locate me? I am a great person, why am I struggling to meet someone? I am tired of being alone; I am ready to settle down.”
Yes, we have all had one of these thoughts cross our mind at least once in our lifetime and, if you are of African heritage, the desire for you to be in a relationship is one of your parents, uncles and aunties way of saying ‘hi, how are you doing?’ every time they see you.
Society idolises relationships so much that we feel the increased pressure to get into a relationship and end up obsessing over them. There are no shortages of websites or YouTube videos providing relationship advice. From social media to showbiz, there is an obsession with couples and relationships. It is almost as if singleness is a plague. Why is this the case? Because we spend too much time fighting off being alone. We are so hypnotised by the idea of being in a relationship that we disregard the importance of time alone, that is singleness.
More often than not, we are quick and happy to disclose our single status to those who approach us to let them know that we are available to be scooped up, and that is because the reality of this status fills us with worry. I believe we should be embracing singleness and I will give you three reasons why: spiritual discovery, self-discovery and maturity.
1. Understand who God is
“It is always when you are alone that God reveals himself” – Bishop T.D. Jakes
There is no better time to reconnect with God than during alone time. You cannot get to know or understand God in a crowd. It is easy to cry about how God has forgotten you and doesn’t hear your cry but have you ever considered for one second that maybe you have surrounded yourself with so much noise that you cannot hear from God?
God came to Mary when she was alone. God called Abraham alone. Moses was alone at the back of the mountain when God spoke to him. Notice a pattern yet? Whenever anything significant happens to you in a spiritual capacity, it happens when you are alone. Do not be so cluttered by people, things and objects that you leave no place for God to show His face in your life. Instead, use your time alone to strengthen your spirituality and allow God to work in your life. This spiritual discovery alone will drastically change how you see and approach things in your life.
2. Understand yourself
” In order to have self-discovery, you need to have privacy.” – Bishop T.D.Jakes
Have you ever noticed how some single people are often more busy than those in relationships? We all know that one single friend who is always on the go because they ‘stay booked and busy’. I used to be that one friend. I would often pack my days with so many things in the hopes to forget that I am alone. Do not get me wrong, being busy has its place in our lives but there has to be a balance and purpose. Do not underestimate the power of setting time aside to reflect and meditate because it is during these moments of self-reflection that we discover our purpose in life.
Fighting off singleness could have you taking on more than you can manage and in an attempt to cover up your fears you end up creating more problems, depression being the main one, than finding answers. After all, if you cannot make real time for yourself, you will not make time for anyone else.
3. Understand what you like
Tall – Attractive - Good job - Caring – Romantic. These all sound good ladies but do you realise the number of wife beaters, child molesters and emotionally unstable individuals who also fit this description. Gents, that pretty girl with the smoking hot body and great style might end up disrespecting you and your mother, neglecting your children (that is if she wants any), and taking you down a path you have no business being on. Be careful because if you don’t take the time to understand what you really like and need in a partner, I mean beyond the surface, you might just end up with a “beast”!
There is a difference between what we desire and what we need. One is based on fantasy and the other is based on deep knowledge of oneself and an understanding of God. You may finally figure out what your needs are but only God can give you discernment to recognise them in a partner.
Relationships are work and like everything else in life, they require preparation. That time of preparation is singleness and it’s about time we give it the recognition it deserves in the love process.
Seek a whole life as a single person first!
Focus your energy on doing things that bring you a sense of completeness and purpose because at the end of the day, healthy relationships should be about a whole person looking for another whole person to compliment them, not complete, or compete with them.
Your relationship starts with YOU. Managing your singleness properly would allow you to build an ecosystem that breeds positivity and encourages growth so anything you bring into your space should add value to what you already have. If it will cost you your peace or disrupt your ecosystem, It doesn’t belong near you!
Alone time is the only time you get to be completely selfish. Don’t fight it off. Use is wisely and you will reap the benefits in the long run.
I hope someone has been blessed by this guest blog post. Don’t forget to like, share & comment !